The AU' and 'WOW' of living authentically

The “AU” of living authentically 

I feel ‘AU’ myself, over and over again, when for a moment I don't succeed in being authentic, or more simply ‘just being myself’. When I adapt my behaviour socially to ‘how it is supposed to be’ while deep down I know and feel that this is not really who I am. 

And others feel “AU”, every time again, when I am really being myself but that is not what the other person expects. That is exciting for both. Then it is tempting to adapt yourself to your surroundings, to avoid hassle and to continue to belong.

My secret: using that “ouch” as an alarm bell to remain authentic

I use these “ouch” moments as an alarm bell to be myself, especially in contact with others, no matter how difficult at times. 

'Hard for me to believe you' a gutsy friend told me the other day. Her “AU” reaction to my “Yes this week it was just too much for me, it's still intense but it's going well now”. She didn't expect this, so I subtitled myself: “That's how I am, I take a heavy and short free fall, preferably alone, and then see the light again”. It's nice to do express this to each other without wanting to change each other.

Who decides if you're authentic?

Only you yourself can decide whether you are “just being yourself” or not, but others have judgements on this and are only too happy to influence you. Then it is tempting to adapt to outside pressure, which can be easier than staying true to yourself. 

I would almost start doubting myself after this conversation with my friend. Am I right, am I doing it right, am I not holding myself bigger than I feel? Shouldn't I be ashamed of myself for resuming my normal life so soon? That shame and doubt might tempt me to adapt to what others find easier and more credible, but then I have to fake something that is not there, that is then not who I really am and how I feel. Then I am not being true to myself

What does being and living authentically mean?

The word ‘authentic’ comes from the Greek ‘authentikós’, meaning ‘acting out of oneself”’- someone who lives from inner strength and individuality. 

Being authentic is about who you are on the inside. This requires self-awareness in the here and now. So acknowledging that you are joyful even when people expect you to be down in the dumps.

Living authentically is about how you act outwardly. The choices you make to stay true to yourself - after all, it's your life! So do quit that good job because it no longer suits you. 

This is what some great thinkers say about authentic living:

• Living a life in line with your deepest convictions, even if it evokes fear or uncertainty. 
  Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855), philosopher and theologian
  'The greatest danger is losing yourself in a world that constantly distracts you.'
   
• Living by your own values and choices, rather than conforming to the masses. 
  Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980), philosopher and (playwright) 
  'Man is condemned to freedom.'
• 
  Having the courage to be yourself, by letting go of who you think you should be, and to 
  Brené Brown (born 1965), researcher and author
  'Authenticity is a set of choices we make every day.'

Being authentic, how to do it?

It sounds so simple - just being yourself - but in the real world, it is often anything but simple. Our environment expects all kinds of things from us and judges easily, so to be true to yourself you need a highly developed self-awareness. Listening to your inner world, especially when your environment is screaming.

To do this, choose ways that suit you, which could be meditation, yoga, mindfulness, good conversation, walking, nature, music, silence, (journal) writing, or daily practical reflection and goal setting.

I would like to introduce a way that has helped me personally for 15 years to stay true to what is right for me; my inner compass on 1 A4 sheet. My inner world made tangible in short sentences that help me to make choices. That gives me inner peace, makes me happy and contributes to my sense of purpose. In short, my tool for more “wow” and less “ouch” moments!

An inner compass that shows you the way from “ouch” to “wow”

Very honestly, I did not come up with the way to create such a clear inner compass myself. All credit to Mark McGregor, a Canadian former top athlete and leadership coach associated with St Gallen Business School, among others. He developed a wonderful flow that personally gives me so many more “wow” and less “ouch” moments that my inner compass is always on. We have now been working together for more than 10 years, to enable this gift to be offered to more people.

That 1 A4 sheet of inner compass lets you see and feel what is most important to you and who you want to be. Partly you already are but there is also ambition in that. Ambition in your humanity, which helps you determine direction and make choices in what you do (or don't do) and how you shape your life and work.

If you use it daily to make the right choices for yourself, then you will definitely start experiencing “Wow” more often and less “Au”, you will stay true to yourself and you will take your environment into that more and more easily.

To be authentic is to know your inner compass. Living authentically is daring to follow

How do I create my own inner compass?

Very simple, it's already hidden somewhere inside you. All you have to do is show the courage to go inside and look for it. Dare to listen to your intuition (gut feeling), feel what your heart is telling you and combine that with what you already know with your full intellect (head). 

I tell more about it in chapter 1 of my MeGaZin Z11 Leading a Happy and Successful Life (Only in Dutch, sorry), and regularly Mark and I organise 3-day pressure cooker sessions to guide you in this. More info here. Curious what I can do for you in shaping your own authentic self? Then contact me.

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