What you could learn from hot coffee

Are you one of the few people who likes pain? Then spare me the details and save yourself the further reading. But if, like me, you don't like pain and want to get rid of it as soon as possible, then continue reading. 

I suddenly realize something that might be important to you too. I'll tell you through an example. Imagine: 

Your alarm clock rings, you jump in the shower and add a shot of cold water to your tea so you can drink it quickly. While you chew your yogurt with sugar-free granola, you scan your appointments for today and the traffic jams via your IPhone. You sigh because you don't look forward to it, not today and not for a while. Fortunately, the vacations are almost here, you think, as you take one last look in the mirror before rushing into the car. Heading into a day full of appointments and obligations that belong to a life that, if you're honest, doesn't give you any satisfaction anymore. 

The traffic jam wasn't too bad so you treat yourself to a good cup of coffee near the office. The seductive aroma is wafting towards you as soon as the barista puts it in front of you, so you reach for the glass to take your first sip. But the moment your fingertips touch the glass you feel a stab of pain and reflexively pull your whole hand back. Oops, it's still way too hot, so you resist the temptation and wait for the coffee to cool down a bit. 

Our human brain reacts with lightning speed in the face of acute danger, but in the face of more latent discomfort, it prefers to make up pretty stories to cover up the pain. 
'I'm done with this job, but that good salary is crucial for the mortgage, vacations and studies of the kids.' 
'My boss asks me for extra jobs because I'm the only one who can do it so well and so quickly, so I work far too much, but it also flatters me. I am indispensable and it is unmentionable to adjust my tasks a bit.' 
'That I am so tired at home that I fall asleep on the sofa, I take for granted. I don't have the time or energy to think about what I would like to change, let alone do something about it.'

These stories are a rational way to move away from this different kind of 'pain', just as you did in a reflex to that too-hot coffee. Only that coffee cools down on its own and this pain doesn't just disappear. In fact, it often builds up slowly, you get used to it and often you don't even realize where the real pain is anymore. And believe me, this is a perfect recipe for burnout if you keep looking away from it by continuing to see your stories as the only truth and possibility. 

With that hot coffee, your internal alarm bell rings, causing you to take immediate action. With your stories, you tie up the clapper of that alarm bell so that it remains silent and action is absent. But that doesn't take away your dormant feeling of dissatisfaction, tension or boredom. 

As a coach, I am of the positive approach. And yet I realize that sometimes it is necessary to lead you towards your own pain in a gentle way. This feeling is necessary so you can start questioning your stubborn stories in order to let your alarm bell ring. This creates space to get moving, to discover together what is important to you, what talents you have and how you can use them in a way that you like. From pain to pleasure, that's what you want too, right?